Thoughts on life

Earlier I read this and I hope that you take the time to read it as well. Reading those questions was very insightful. A couple times in the last couple weeks, I've felt like someone is missing from where I was at the time. The most recent time was at preschool. We only have 3 kids at the preschool I intern at and all 3 of them were there but it just felt like someone was missing. What a weird sensation! School has been going great and so has my internship. Ricky is also doing well. It is finally summer so we go golfing every chance we get. So far I haven't lost any more weight, but I also haven't been doing much to lost it. I just got a new walking dvd with a weighted belt to wear during the workout. Yesterday, I tried it out and I walked 2 miles! I went to the stake infertility fireside and it was very insightful. One speaker pretty much named and described every emotion that I've been going through. Another speaker also described the grieving process for people who are struggling with infertility. Both for men and women. I had never thought of Ricky being in the grieving process as well. It really helped to be told that it's ok to be depressed or angry, even angry with God. Just as long as your move on to the next step in the grieving process. It also helped to know that you go through the grieving process several times. I have experienced it many times. I thought that I wasn't giving my burden up the right way but now I know that it is a vicious cycle that I will probably go through several more times. Until recently, I was doing really good with my emotions. The other day, I started over with the denial stage. I said to myself things like, it's nice to be able to do whatever I want and go wherever I want with out having to worry about getting a babysitter or dragging around a baby, I can buy whatever I want (like a new tv), go golfing all the time, work out and lose weight(I'm looking way hot by the way), have my body to myself...and similar things. I know that I don't really believe those things. I would love to share my body with my child. Overall, I'm doing ok. I take it one day at a time and try to focus on getting through school. I know now that I am so grateful that I have been blessed to get my schooling done before my children came along. I know the past me would probably kick myself for saying that. I am truly blessed in my life. I have a pretty good life. I appreciate all of those who are praying for Ricky and me. I have some awesome friends!