Today, I am hurting. I didn't want to go to church. I hate feeling that way. For me, fast sundays are the worst. I hate hearing all the testimonies about how great trials are and how they are such great blessings and how everybody just found out that they are pregnant. It hurts a lot. Especially over the last few days. 2 of my good friends just told me that they are pregnant again with both of their second child. Another good friend just had her baby. I loved helping her and holding her precious little one. I am also very tired of waiting. My mom pointed out that if I got pregnant now that I would give birth in october and that maybe it would be good to wait a couple months so I would have a baby nearer to graduation. That would probably be really really smart, but I don't want to wait. I've waited about as long as I can handle. My heart is breaking because I want to start my family but I can't and there is nothing that I can do about it. I get to see all of these people move on with their lives and start their families. I don't want to hear that it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Because I've heard that SO many times. It doesn't help me anymore. There isn't much that anyone could say that would help. Right now, I'm going through some really tough stuff. Please don't get me wrong. I am very happy for my friends who are pregnant.
I am going to copy my friend, Paily, and disable the comments on this post. I appreciate your concern and I don't want anyone to feel like they have to say something. Thanks for listening in on my pity party.
